Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
