I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
