Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
