I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
