I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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