It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
