apparently the secret to your success is patron
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
