we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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