I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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