maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
