Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

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(207): We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us. http://tfl.nu/uz8z

Replies (10) Good night (2978) Bad night (751)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis

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(970): I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis http://tfl.nu/924d

Replies (21) Good night (3171) Bad night (680)
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(207): View more from Maine

i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.

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(207): i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships. http://tfl.nu/unsu

Replies (36) Good night (931) Bad night (5363)
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(815): View more from Illinois

just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling

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(815): just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling http://tfl.nu/a8k8

Replies (18) Good night (2166) Bad night (3741)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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(763): Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet http://tfl.nu/ppas

Replies (6) Good night (915) Bad night (2319)
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(753): View more from

He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.

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(753): He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means. http://tfl.nu/ooa4

Replies (4) Good night (1727) Bad night (749)
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(253): View more from Washington

The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.

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(253): The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case. http://tfl.nu/nkd8

Replies (2) Good night (2097) Bad night (991)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again

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(506): When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again http://tfl.nu/dbq2

Replies (7) Good night (2008) Bad night (647)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

God you're perfect.

(303): View more from Colorado

I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.

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(303): Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal. (1-303): God you're perfect. (303): I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier. http://tfl.nu/2wzm

Replies (5) Good night (1947) Bad night (419)
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(540): View more from Virginia

There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.

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(540): There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day. http://tfl.nu/ga2m

Replies (5) Good night (911) Bad night (369)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.

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(610): I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels. http://tfl.nu/rc9i

Replies (9) Good night (831) Bad night (431)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos

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(814): The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos http://tfl.nu/br7k

Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (470)
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(406): View more from Montana

My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls

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(406): My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls http://tfl.nu/ydwq

Replies (5) Good night (694) Bad night (785)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?

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(540): I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey? http://tfl.nu/z446

Replies (9) Good night (2357) Bad night (409)
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(818): View more from California

You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.

(1-818): View more from California

Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.

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(818): You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible. (1-818): Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins. http://tfl.nu/2adc

Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (240)

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