I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.