Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.