I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.