she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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