You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
