Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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