I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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