What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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