Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
