Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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