Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just cut my nipple shaving
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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