I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
