Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
