3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
