I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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