ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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