So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
