I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
