I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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