Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
