Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
