I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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