what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
