The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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