i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My hand turned me down
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
