Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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