i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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