What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
