I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
