he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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