You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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