I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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