I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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