I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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