omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
