mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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