you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
