I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
