Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
