Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
