I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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