# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
