Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
