I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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