booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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