Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
