the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My ATM looks so different sober.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
