she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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