did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
