she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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