You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
