My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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